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1 Corinthians 7
“I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men
arises from one single fact, that they cannot stay quietly in their own
chamber.” (Blaise Pascal)
We are
fidgety. We are restless. We fill our lives with distractions and
diversions. We are not
content. We believe the grass is
always greener elsewhere and so we switch from one thing to another. We are restless in our jobs, in our
locations, in our marriages, our relationships, our singleness. And we peer over the fence with
longing, thinking we’ll be happy if only we have that job, that
relationship, that set of circumstances. But it never satisfies – we become more
fidgety, more restless.
Paul
speaks into this situation with a message for fidgety people: Stay Put!
[SLIDE
– Stay Put!]
It’s
there in v17, v20, v24, v27. Paul
keeps saying: Stay put. Stay put.
Stay put. Stay put.
17
Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord
assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay
down in all the churches.
18 Was a
man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become
uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not
be circumcised.
I mean you’ve got to be really fidgety to try to
become uncircumcised. There’s some
real contentment issues for you to spend your time trying to change that
area of life!
20 Each
one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him.
24
Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation
God called him to.
27 Are
you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a
wife.
To a
fidgety, restless, Stay Put! Stay
Put! Stay Put! Stay Put!
The
problem with the Corinthians, the problem with all of us is we run around
all over the place. We are fidgety
and restless and the grass is always greener on the other side and so we
run away from the places where God has called us.
And Paul
says think of your calling.
V17,
v20, v24 – Paul mentions our calling.
Now
when we think of calling we sometimes talk about ‘a calling to the
ministry.’ And when I decided I
wanted to be a minister I had to convince dozens of strangers that I had
a special calling from heaven to do the job. That’s a popular understanding of
calling. The bible’s understanding
of calling is a bit different.
Turn
back to 1 Corinthians 1.
Here’s
how the letter of 1 Corinthians begins:
[SLIDE]
“God (who) has called you into fellowship with His
Son Jesus (is faithful).” (1 Cor 1:9)
That’s the real calling in
the bible. And it’s not just for
ministers – it’s for everyone to become a Christian. The great call from heaven is the call
from God the Father to have fellowship with His Son Jesus.
THAT is our calling. And THAT is the secret of
contentment. We need to know that,
whatever our circumstances, we have FELLOWSHIP with God’s Son, Jesus. We’ve thought in previous weeks about
what fellowship with Jesus means.
It is the deepest sharing of life imaginable. The closest thing we have in human
experience is marriage – that deep sharing of life that says “All that I
am I give to you, all that I have I share with you.” If you’re a Christian, Jesus is saying
that to you right now. “All that I
am I give to You, All that I have I share with You.” Jesus shares with us His eternal Holy
Spirit, Who slakes our thirst like living waters. He shares His identity with us – He is
the Son of God, we become sons and daughter of God in Him. We share His eternal future – life in
the new creation. He shares His
thoughts, His dreams, His secrets with us in Scripture. One day we will see Him face to face on
a day described as the great Wedding Feast. Christians have followship with Jesus.
And that’s God’s calling on
our lives – to have fellowship with Jesus. Do you have fellowship with Jesus? Do you know Him as Your Heavenly
Spouse? Do you know the living
waters of His Spirit?
If we’re fidgety in life –
always striving for something else, never content. Maybe we’ve forgotten the wonder of
fellowship with Jesus. And maybe
we’ve never known fellowship with Jesus.
Whatever the case we need
to answer God’s call on our lives.
Do you see verse 2:
[SLIDE]
Christians are:
“all those everywhere who call on the
name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor 1:2)
God has called us to
fellowship with Jesus, and we call back. We answer His call by praying to
Jesus, calling on His name. You
can answer it right now – God thank You for fellowship with Jesus, I call
on Him now – grant me this fellowship.
Well
that’s God’s calling. If we know
it, we’ll learn to be content no matter the circumstances. Because, as we turn back to chapter 7
we realise that God calls each of us in a thousand different
circumstances.
He calls some people when they’re
married, He calls some people when they’re unmarried. He calls people with good jobs, He
calls people with crummy jobs. He calls some people from one country and
some people for another country.
God comes to all sorts of people in all sorts of places and He
offers them fellowship with Jesus IN that situation.
God
calls us in the midst of our messy lives and Jesus offers His fellowship
to us in the MIDST of our complicated circumstances.
So because of all this,
Paul’s big message in 1 Corinthians 7 is: “STAY PUT”
And he
adds another reason why we should stay put: He says
[SLIDE]
The
time is short. Read with me from
v26:
26
Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain
as you are. 27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you
unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you
have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those
who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you
this. 29 What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short.
From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30
those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were
not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31
those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For
this world in its present form is passing away.
Now
from a worldly perspective of course Paul was living in much more
uncertain times than we are. Our
economy has shrunk by a percent or two in the last 6 months and it’s
being reported as though this is our present crisis. I’m sure Paul knew a little more about
hardship than we do. And I’m sure
that daydreaming about future marriage flourishes a lot more in times of
prosperity than times of crisis.
But the crisis Paul is talking about here is, v31, this world in
its present form is passing away.
Jesus
Christ is risen and ascended, He’s brought in new creation life INTO this
old and decaying world. We are
participating in this new life even as this world in its present form is
passing away. But really
Christians are people of the future.
This is not our home. We
try to make our home in our present circumstances. We fidget and shift and switch jobs and
cities and relationships looking for some elusive sense of belonging and
Paul says Home is in the future.
Which means we won’t look to circumstances in this passing world
to make us secure. We have
fellowship with Jesus NOW, our home is in the future THEN, in the
meantime we get on with Christ’s work in the place where He’s called
us.
Paul is
not saying here that because the time is short we should neglect our
marriages and everything worldly.
Absolutely not. The whole
chapter’s about sticking in your marriage, sticking with your job and
making it work. But Paul is
saying: Don’t live for your
marriage. Don’t live for the idea of getting married. Don’t live for your job. And don’t live for your kids. Don’t live for that relationship. Don’t live for that achievement or that
possession or that feeling. Live
for that Day when everything you’ve lost will be more than made up for
and when everyone you love will face Jesus. Live for that Day because the time is
short.
That’s
what underpins Paul’s advice throughout the whole chapter. Which is why I’m not sure about the NIV
heading for chapter 7. What do you
think? “Marriage” Would you head this chapter
“Marriage”? I mean for a start,
Paul talks about singleness and recommends singleness much more than he
does marriage. But more than that,
his teaching about marriage and singleness is underpinned by a deeper
understanding about our identity.
About our calling, about the time being short. And because of these truths, we need to
be content and serve IN the circumstances we find ourselves in. One of those circumstances is
marriage. But that’s not the only
thing Paul is talking about here.
Really
the issue is contentment. Are we
content in the marriage we have, the singleness we have, the job we
have? Or will we keep being
restless and running from our calling.
The
Corinthians were tempted to run away from all sorts of life
circumstances:
[SLIDE
– don’t run away]
And the
first thing he says not to run away from, is in verses 1-5.
[SLIDE]
Here
Paul says, Don’t run away from your marriage duties.
If
you’re married… BE MARRIED
It’s interesting that in chapter 6 Paul talks
of men going off to a prostitute and says even sex with a prostitute is
being ‘one flesh’ with her (v16).
Now ‘one flesh’ is the bible fundamental definition of
marriage. Paul is saying – when
you have sex – even paid sex with a stranger – it’s like marriage. Because marriage IS ‘one flesh’. And therefore BEING MARRIED just IS a
physical union. It’s a spiritual
and emotional union too yes. But
it IS a physical union too. So if
you’re married. BE MARRIED. If you are one flesh, BE ONE
FLESH. (If you’re not married, if
you’re not one flesh then don’t be one flesh – that was chapter 6. But if you are one flesh, BE ONE
FLESH.) And you know what that
means? Have sex. Have sex. Lots.
Baptism and Lord’s Supper.
Not
insisting on conjugal rights – Giving conjugal privileges
Paul
is not envisaging the bedroom as a place for contracts and conditions and
bargaining and negotiations.
Rights is not really the language of love. Demanding your rights is not
pillow-talk. It’s not sexy and its
not biblical. Sex is not a
bargaining chip. Withholding sex
is not a bargaining strategy. The
bedroom is not a battleground. Instead it’s to be a place of
self-giving to the other. Not
standing on your rights but giving the gift of your body.
[Verse
4] No husband can say to his wife – “your body’s mine, give it up”
without her being able to say “your body’s mine, take a cold
shower.” They belong to one
another. Whatever happens needs to
happen by mutual consent. Whatever
happens needs to happen as the gift of each spouse to the other. Sometimes that will mean, ‘My gift to
you is to refrain from sex – and I won’t grumble because the bedroom is
not the place of rights but of gifts and no-one grumbles when they give a
gift.’ Sometimes that’s how it
will play out. More often though
these verses will mean ‘My gift to you is to have sex – and I won’t do it
grudgingly because the bedroom is not the place of rights but of gifts
and gifts aren’t grudging.’ Now, I
say that more often sex should happen because of verse 5:
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent
and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come
together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of
self-control.
As
spouses talk about sex the one mutual decision they should not come to is
– Let’s just forget about sex. You
can’t do that according to the bible.
On rare occasions you might go on a sex fast in order to
pray. And in verse 6 Paul says –
this is just a concession, this is just an infrequent scenario, this is
just one specific and uncommon exception to the sex command that I’m
laying down – sometimes you might abstain in favour of a prayer
marathon. That’s my concession – I
concede that you might be so keen on a season of prayer that you fast
from sex. But once you’re done
praying ‘come together again’.
Now
perhaps you’re thinking of all sorts of other exceptions. And it’s right to think about health
issues and issues of past sexual abuse.
It’s right to think about stage of life issues and children issues
these are all very important and not to be forgotten. But amidst all of those issues you’re
not allowed to shelve the sex issue.
Even if those other exceptions crowd in, you cannot take sex off
the agenda. It is always something
to be worked on and worked towards.
You ARE one flesh, so BE one flesh. That’s a fundamental part of what it
means to BE married.
And
people say the bible is anti-sex.
No – the culture is anti-sex.
The bible is very pro sex.
Then
we’ll skip verses 7-9 and come back to those, let’s look at verses 10-16:
In
verses 10-16 you have married people wanting to run away from their
marriages altogether.
[SLIDE]
And in
particular the Corinthians seemed to think that if they found themselves
married to a non-Christian, they should run away from their spouses. Paul says no. Stay married.
Now we
mustn’t knowingly marry an unbeliever.
Verse 39 says, When we’re
looking to marry someone they must “belong to the Lord”. We mustn’t set out to marry a non-Christian. But for many different reasons people
could find themselves married to an unbeliever and Paul says, don’t run
away. Your non-Christian family
doesn’t make you unholy – rather you make them holy (v14). So stay put,
who knows (v16), maybe they will be saved? See their being holy (v14) doesn’t make
them saved, it just means that the family home is holy ground, nothing to
run away from. They still need to
be saved. But (v16) who knows, maybe through your witness, they will be
saved.
And
that’s the real reason why we stay put. Until God moves us on, we stay put, and
we witness to the people God’s put in our lives. So really we’re ALL special agents for
Jesus – all of us are. But
we’re special agents for Jesus in the places He’s already put us. So don’t run away.
Verses
17-19 – don’t run away from your cultural identity.
[SLIDE]
Circumcision
was an OT religious requirement yes, but it was also a cultural
marker. A racial marker even. And again, people jealous of the other
person’s identity wanted to switch.
The circumcised wanting to be uncircumcised (however that
works!!), the uncircumcised wanting to be circumcised (for whatever
reason!). And Paul again calls us
to contentment. These things don’t
count. Keeping God’s commands
counts. Living out the gospel
counts. Serving Jesus counts. You cultural identity really doesn’t.
And
then verses 20-24 – don’t run away from your jobs.
[SLIDE]
If
you’re a slave don’t pin your hopes on freedom. If you’re granted it – take it. But you can serve Jesus IN your
circumstances.
And I
think as a rule of thumb, our default mode should be: don’t leave your
job. I mean you’re going to have to change jobs probably many
times in your life. But I think
our default mode should be, stay unless compelling factors move you
on. You are Jesus’ missionary in
your workplace. And who know,
maybe your gospel witness will lead to the salvation of your co-workers.
Whether
you’re on the Dole or a Doctor, a Dustman or a Deacon in the church, it
doesn’t matter – your circumstances don’t really count, your job title
doesn’t really count. Wherever you are, you’re already a special agent
for Jesus. So the rule of thumb is
– stay put!
Really
you could sum up Paul’s teaching here as:
Run
away from sin. But don’t
run away from your circumstances.
Flee
sin in whatever form it takes. But
if something isn’t sin – don’t be flitting around. Figure out how to be a missionary for
Jesus where you are.
Now,
let’s turn to this issue of singleness.
Don’t
run from singleness. Well this is
hard isn’t it? But actually Paul
couldn’t be clearer could he? Can
I take you to ten verses in this chapter where Paul says singleness is
better than marriage. Ten!
And
here’s his basic reasoning: v32-35
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An
unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please
the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs
of this world--how he can please his wife-- 34 and his
interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about
the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and
spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this
world--how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this
for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right
way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Undivided
devotion to the Lord.
Remember
the Lord Jesus is offering fellowship with Himself greater than any
marriage and Paul holds out to the single undivided devotion to Jesus.
Can we
see life the way Paul sees it?
Here’s
how Paul sees things:
7 I
wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God;
one has this gift, another has that. 8 Now to the unmarried
and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is
better to marry than to burn with passion.
Paul is
a single man (v8). But Paul does
not mean he wishes all men were single in an absolute sense. If so we’d all die out in a
generation. And also if he meant
it in an absolute sense his wishes would be at odds with God’s wishes.
Because, as Paul acknowledges God wishes that some be married and some be
single.
But
what Paul wants us to do is to see those states – single and married – as
gifts from God.
From
the hand of God the Holy Spirit has come your circumstances. Will you receive these circumstances as
the gift of God?
People
often talk about the ‘gift of singleness’ as though only certain single
people have the gift of singleness, but most single people don’t have
this gift. And apparently this
gift innoculates certain people from the hardships of singleness and
makes them not want marriage. And
on this understanding, many single people then conclude – I’m finding
singleness hard, I’d quite like to marry – I guess I don’t have ‘the gift
of singleness’. I don’t think
that’s what Paul’s talking about.
Paul’s saying God gives some people singleness and some people
marriage. If you’re single, guess
what, you have the gift of singleness.
It has been given to you, for now, to be single. If you’re married, guess what, you have
the gift of marriage. It has been
given to you – till death parts you – to be married. No-one who’s married is allowed to say
‘You know I’m finding marriage tough – I guess I don’t have the gift of
marriage. It’s clear that God
wants me to be single, or else being married wouldn’t be so hard for
me.’ You can’t say that if you’re
married. Well in just the same
way, if you’re single you shouldn’t say ‘I’m finding singleness tough –
therefore I mustn’t have the gift of singleness.’ If you’re single that’s God’s gift to
you at the moment. Will you
receive this circumstance from the Spirit and enjoyed for what it is.
Maybe me saying this is really angering you. Can I suggest that we need Paul’s
perspective. Time is short. This passing age is an age of
distress. Building your life on
marriage and family is like building on sinking sand…
If you
are single – you have been given your singleness as a gift from God the
Holy Spirit. Perhaps one day He
will exchange that for the gift of marriage. But if you saw the world the way Paul
saw the world, you’d be really glad to be single. You’d wish the whole world was single
if you saw life the way the apostle saw it.
Here’s
another verse often misunderstood along the lines of the gift of singleness. Here’s how the reasoning goes. I have sexual urges. I burn with passion and therefore I
clearly don’t have gift of singleness – I need to find a spouse
pronto.
We
should note that the words ‘with passion’ are not there in the
original. Paul just says ‘it is
better to marry than to burn’ and the context is not two steamy
Christians struggling to control themselves. The context is two sinning Christians
who are not controlling themselves.
What’s going on here is a couple who aren’t married going too far
and they are burning with shame.
That’s the sense in which Paul uses the phrase ‘to burn’ elsewhere
(2 Cor 11:29). Paul is saying – if
there’s a couple acting like they’re married (and obviously if it’s wise
for them to be married) then they should marry.
Younger
marriage.
The cultural assumption is that you study, get a
job, get established in your career, live on your own, travel, see the
world and THEN get married. That’s
a potential decade of burning with shame – or at least putting yourself
in harms way of burning with shame.
If the right person is there to marry and if sexual desire is
there – get married
Short
engagements.
We think – have a 12 month engagement because we
want to make sure we can book the ideal reception venue, but meanwhile
there’s 12 months of getting horizontal on the couch and Paul would say
to us – sexual purity is far more important than that!
If
you’re single and there is someone special in your life – a Christian who
will help you grow – how do you know if you should marry, or when.
Paul’s
advice:
V9:
V36-38
Summary
-
If
there’s someone in your life who it is right to marry, and if after all
you;ve heard from Paul you still want to marry – you should marry. You’re free!
[You should do as you want –
v36 – liberating!]
When
should you marry? When sex becomes
an issue but before it becomes a problem.
When sexual attraction is a tangible thing there – but before it
gives rise to sin.
Luther got engaged and married on the same day.
He said “Scripture,
experience, and all creation testify that the gifts of God must be taken
on the wing.”
As I
close I think the big issue we
must all address – the issue beneath marriage and singleness etc – is the
issue of contentment.
Will we
take our circumstances from the hand of God as gifts.
Let me
close with a quote from Paige Benton… She mentions singleness – that
might not be your struggle but we all struggle with the circumstances we
find ourselves in. Re-translate
her words into your own struggle and listen to how we can learn
contentment:
Paige Benton
“Accepting singleness, [is about celebrating] the life God has
given. I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly
deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly
need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because
this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could
be better for me right now than being single, The psalmists confirm that
I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God
withhold from me.”
Stay
put – enjoy your calling to fellowship with Christ, wherever that
is. Don’t run away from
circumstances. Run Away from sin,
not from circumstances. Plug in
and witness where you are because the time is short.
Let’s
pray,
Dear
Father,
We need
wisdom to know when we need to stay put and when we need to move on, help
us with that. But I pray you’d
help us to stay put when you want us to stay put. Help us all to be special agents for
Jesus where we are. May we not be
fidgety or restless where we are, but help us to love people and tell
them of Jesus because the time is short.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
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