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Ephesians 5:21-33
A wedding sermon – the
names changed to protect the innocent!
Well it’s a terrific day. Jane and Bob
are finally coming together, before friends and family and before God.
We’re all thrilled to be here. What I want to do for the next few minutes
is ask ‘why?’ That might sound like an odd question – everyone knows
Wedding Days are joyous occasions. But I want us think hard about why
weddings mean so much to us.
Why is virtually every film, every TV
show, every novel, every pop song obsessed with people falling in love
and getting together? If they’re not obsessed with falling in love and getting
together, they’re obsessed with falling out of love and drifting apart.
But you can’t get around it: this kind of committed, mutually self-giving
relationship is an immovable fact of our being human. So why does this
kind of relationship consume our culture and consume our hearts?
Well Bob and Jane know the answer to
that question and that’s why they asked for the Bible to be read and
explained. They know that the Bible explains exactly why marriage and
relationships are such a consuming passion. So they’ve asked me, before
we go any further in the service, to explain from Ephesians chapter 5
(the reading we’ve just had) what exactly is taking place when Bob and
Jane make their vows.
If you’re not used to reading from the
Bible let me boil down for you the essence of the Bible’s teaching on
marriage:
The Bible begins with a wedding in the
garden of Eden and it ends with a wedding at the end of history and in
between it describes the relationship between Jesus Christ, our Creator
and King and Christ’s people. And throughout – the Bible describes this
relationship in marriage terms. So, when Christ’s people go off the
rails, the Bible doesn’t just say they’ve been ‘disobedient’ – it says
they’ve been ‘unfaithful’. And when Christ’s people go after other gods,
the Bible doesn’t just call them ‘idolatrous’ – it calls them
‘adulterous’. And the Bible assures us that from the beginning the LORD
Jesus has been a Jealous God. After He joined our race 2000 years ago –
one of the first names Jesus used of Himself was ‘The Bridegroom.’
So you see, according to the Bible,
the LORD Jesus is a husband – THE Husband – and He has entered into an
eternally committed marriage relationship with any of us who will trust
Him. This covenantal love is the rationale behind everything that happens
in heaven and on earth.
That’s the background to our passage,
and as we turn it up in our service order we’ll see the Apostle Paul says
exactly the same. Let’s look at a key verse in this passage – verse 31:
In verse 31 Paul is quoting from the
very beginning of the Bible (Genesis) where that first ever marriage
takes place. It says: “For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”
That’s the quote from Genesis, but then Paul says in verse 32. “This is a
profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the Church.” Funny:
Paul looks at marriage – he looks at the very first, the archetypal
marriage and he says, what we’re really seeing is Christ and His
marriage-union to the Church.
So you see the Bible paints marriage
on a very large canvas. Marriage, in its fullest sense, describes the
driving force of all life – Christ’s committed love for humanity. That’s
why this kind of relationship is so powerful – because it shows us
something absolutely at the heart of human life.
So today, we are spell-bound as we
witness Bob and Jane make this wonderful commitment. But the Bible says –
when you see this marriage, this is the playing out, the making visible,
the enacted parable of the Heavenly Marriage – the one between Christ and
those who trust Him.
Do you see in this passage how every
piece of advice for human marriage is grounded in the reality of Christ’s
marital love. Let’s look first at the advice for husbands, let’s see v25
and following:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and
gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing
with water through the word and to present her to Himself as a radiant
Church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and
blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives.
Human marriage takes its lead from
Christ’s committed love for us – that’s where it finds its meaning and
direction. So if Bob wants to know how he ought to love Jane he must look
to the love that Jesus showed.
What is the love that Jesus showed?
Well the Bible says, Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.
Jesus gave Himself up in her place.
The film, ‘The Passion of the Christ,’
has just been released on DVD. One of my favourite scenes from the movie
is at Jesus’ trial – just hours before the crucifixion. It was customary
at that time of year to release a prisoner to the crowd, and Pontius
Pilate, the Roman governor, asks the crowd whether they would like Jesus
to be released, or whether he should release Barabbas, a notorious
murderer. If you know the story, you know that the crowd actually prefers
to have a murderer released among them rather than the LORD. And so the
camera focuses in on Barabbas this wild-eyed man – a condemned criminal
who was facing certain death that very day. And as the guards take the
chains from off his wrists and feet he is amazed and joyful and grateful
and FREE. Barabbas takes one last fleeting look at Jesus, but he can’t
really meet His gaze. Barabbas knows that Jesus is about to face what he
should have faced. The suffering and death Jesus is about to endure – is
what Barabbas deserved. And it’s what Barabbas would surely have received
except that (in a real sense) Jesus died in his place.
Verse 25 of our passage puts us in
Barabbas’s shoes. Jesus died for Barabbas physically, but He died for us
in a much deeper sense. The Bible says that is the meaning of the cross:
Jesus gave Himself up for us. He gave Himself in our place. When Jesus
came, He put Himself willingly into our situation. And our situation is
not pretty: We are held prisoner by our sin. In a world that is all about
Christ’s love for His people – we by comparison are SO unlovely and SO
unloving to Christ and to others. Yet Christ faces what we deserve for
our sin. On the cross He died in our place, so that we can go free.
This is love. And because of this
ultimate, self-giving love, Jesus has created a people that v27 describes
as radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and
blameless.
How does that work? Well our marriage
service will reflect this truth in a few minutes. Very soon Bob and Jane
will say these vows: “All that I have I give to you, All that I am I
share with you.” And given that Bob and Jane have both just finished
studying, let’s face it, they’re not bringing that much. A couple of
over-drafts and a taste for kebab-meat. That’s about it. But that’s like
the Heavenly Marriage. We bring even less to that. When we say to Christ,
our Heavenly Bridegroom, “All that I have I give to you, All that I am I
share with you” we’re saying ‘all my lovelessness and faithlessness and
prayerlessness and thanklessness’ – I put it all in Your name. You take
it Jesus and You deal with it, by Your cross.’ In return Christ says to
us: “All that I have I give to you, All that I am I share with you – all
My righteousness, all My holiness, all My loving nature – it’s yours
because you are united to Me.”
That is the reality of the Heavenly Marriage.
It is an incredible union. But if that’s the reality - what can it teach
Jane and Bob on this, their wedding day? Well I think our passage draws
out two aspects. In the Heavenly Marriage there is unity and diversity.
You see, Christ makes Himself One with us, but within that unity there
are different roles to perform. And so Bob and Jane there is to be unity
and diversity in your marriage.
First the unity: From v28, the Bible
says husbands and wives are as united as a head is to a body. That’s unity.
Bob and Jane – you two people are about to become one, in as real and
fundamental sense as any. The implication is: you cannot pursue your
personal agendas anymore, and if you do – you’ll cause yourself harm. If
a head goes off in some direction that hurts its body – it’s not just
that the body’s unhappy – the head’s unhappy – because they’re united. A
head can’t be happy if the body is hurting and a body can’t be happy if
the head’s hurting. Jane and Bob: if you really understand your unity,
then you cannot pursue your own individual personal fulfillment – that
has no meaning for you now. Your happiness and well-being is now in the
other person. You have no happiness now if it’s not a corporate
happiness. So work hard for your happiness by serving each other like
crazy.
Secondly the diversity: we see in this
passage that husbands and wives take on different roles within the
unified marriage. Let’s look at Bob’ s role in verse 25. Bob this is your
verse: Love Jane. How? Just as Christ loved the Church:
Jesus gave up His rights, His
resources, His energy, His freedom, His life ALL in the service of His
Bride. Bob everything you do is to be done FOR Jane. And if your love is
to be truly Christ-like, you are not to love her because she’s beautiful
(though she is) – you are to love her to make her beautiful. If you love
her in this way then Jane will be immeasurably more radiant on your 50th
anniversary than she is even today.
Jane, your verse is v24. It’s less
popular than Bob’s verse, but let’s remember the Heavenly Pattern: how
does the church submit to Christ? Answer: with great willingness and
heart-felt joy.
The Bible’s teaching corrects an
age-old stereo-type. The tired old marriage that’s derided in our culture
is between a weedy, ineffectual husband, who is part-man-part-sofa and a
wife that has to nag him into submission. That is what happens when
Ephesians 5 is ignored. But if we take the Bible seriously we have such a
richer understanding. This is not domineering headship – nor is it
slavish submission. Bob, you are
to move out in Christ-like servant-leadership and Jane, you are to shape
and enrich his leadership and to allow and encourage him to do it.
That’s the Bible’s picture of
marriage: modeled on Christ’s love for the Church and therefore a picture
of unity and diversity. That just leaves me with a challenge. Throughout,
I’ve been saying human marriage is NOT the be-all and end-all – it is a
visual aid to point us to Christ’s love for His people.
So my challenge for you is – have you
mistaken human marriage and relationships (which are incredibly precious)
for the Divine Marriage – the Divine Relationship offered by Christ.
If you see a sign to the Tower of
London, you don’t sit under the sign and wait to see the crown jewels. If
you understand the sign correctly you follow it to the destination –
that’s where the jewels are found.
We give great thanks for Bob and Jane,
we are so happy for them and so excited that they have come to a place
where they can partake in something so profound and significant. Now that
we know what marriage is, what a privilege to be here in support! But as
we watch this and as we contemplate Jane and Bob’s marriage in the days
and weeks and years ahead, will we let our thoughts be directed to the
love of the Ultimate Spouse? There are scores of people in this room, Bob
and Jane are among them, many of them are married themselves, but they
would testify in a second that the love of Jesus is more profound and
more fulfilling than any human marriage could hope for.
Bob and Jane – build your marriage on
this love. For the rest of us – let’s enjoy today and let’s follow this
amazing signpost all the way to the unfailing love of Christ.
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